When I first started this blog, I looked at it as an opportunity to dust off that writing part of my brain and turn out the welcome mat for my always absent muse. I was excited about having the freedom to express myself and get back into the habit of putting words to paper. I remember the thrill of barely keeping up with the thoughts, the seemingly never-ending enthusiasm when I first started to pay attention to the voices in my head. I miss those days.
My intention with blogging was to share funny, amusing, possibly even inspiring little tidbits to create smiles, have a "feel good" moment, and even out-loud laughs. I wasn't going to get personal (and I still don't plan on getting that personal; this is, after all, the internet and there are all sorts of crazy ass people out there!) or dreary or preachy or negative (which is still on the NO, list). However, it dawned on me that life is NOT all smiles and laughs and good times, as much as I wished it otherwise. Don't worry, I'm not going to start all of my blogs with "It was a dark and stormy night." I realized, though, that a balance of both good and bad is a necessity in all works of life. Why not express that in my blog?
And that's what it boils down to... this is MY blog. I'm going to write what I want, whatever I'm feeling, whatever's on my mind. I'm human (contrary to some opinions). I feel a gamut of emotions. Not that I swing from one extreme to another in a manner of minutes, nor am I moody by nature. But I do feel. And I feel strongly, deeply, passionately. If you are lucky enough to be allowed past the barriers, you'll get the full blast. And you'll also get unconditional love, loyalty, trust, friendship. I don't allow that many past the numerous walls.
So, I decided I wasn't going to be fair to myself if I tried to toss out jokes, anecdotes, Angisms all of the time. No one is ever a full-time Suzy Sunshine. As much as I love to have fun, tease, crack jokes, I can't be that way 24/7. It's insane to think anyone could. Not to mention tremendous pressure to keep up the pretense. And anyone who knows me will KNOW I don't keep up appearances, don't pretend to be something I'm not. I am who I am. No apologies. Granted, there are things I need to work on, improve, try to do differently and I'm aware of (most) of them. However, with me, what you see is what you get. You know where you stand with me, no matter what. I like you, I don't like you. I agree, I disagree. I try not to be judgmental, but I also have my opinions and try to live by certain standards. I try to do the right thing and maintain a certain morality. Don't get me wrong. I am in no way a saint, nor would I ever be mistaken for a nun. However, I do have a set of rules established by myself to live my life in which I try to follow as much as I can.
Please, don't take what I'm saying as being preachy, pious, or holier-than-thou. I am far from perfect and will be the first to tell you when I make a mistake, which happens more often than not. Trust me, crow doesn't taste better with salt. :) I am what I am, faults and all, and I accept myself. I try to be optimistic and find the good in people and situations. And I'll be the first to dig deep into myself to look for answers, offer a personal critique, search for reasons behind the "whys" of situations and life. There are no pretenses with me. Which, ironically, could be more of a closeness allowed than I first thought. You can't get more personal than whittling away the smoke and mirrors. I'm sharing myself in a bare bones fashion, no "man behind the curtain" pretext.
WYSIWYG. It doesn't get any plainer than that. I am who I am. Approval is not asked for, nor is it needed. Being true to yourself, being able to look within and see the warts and all and still manage to find something to smile about, is a great thing. No matter the seriousness of what I blog, I'll still manage to find humor in something and comment in kind. And when I click "publish post" I'll know what I've written is as honest as I can get. I believe what I've posted.
Among the numerous adjectives I've been called in my life, the one I found to mean the most, the one that I feel gives the best description of who I am, is genuine. Genuine is real. Solid. Honest. It encompasses many other positive words, such as loyal, friendly, truthful, loving, giving, positive. To me, being called genuine is the epitome of a compliment. So I'll strive to live up to that ideal with my blogs. You may not always get a laugh, but you will get honesty. If nothing else, at least I'll be measuring up to my own standards.
Since this is my blog, I've decided bottom the line is I'm going to be honest. That's usually the norm with me anyway, so why not have that in my writing? I'm going to voice my opinions, how I feel, my thoughts and not apologize for any of them. I wouldn't be fair to anyone, especially myself, if I tried to plaster on the Suzy Sunshine smile all the time. However, I expect Suzy Sunshine to be present for the majority of my blogs. After all, I'm the type of person who likes to laugh and joke and doesn't do "serious" well. Given the option, I'll always choose laughter over tears. :)
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