Over a month... Hmmm....

Well, it's been over a month since I've blogged.  Okay, over a month since I've posted a blog.  I've been having all sorts of thoughts and paragraphs floating around in my head but I just haven't bothered to put pen to paper.  Or fingers to keys, as it is.  The main reason being I haven't felt like I had anything positive I really wanted to relate and there are some things I want to say but not put on the internet.  Tack on assistant coaching a varsity high school softball team, playing on three teams myself (thankfully only on Sundays), work, Girlie's school, trying to cram as much time with my "AD"diction before he left, there just hasn't much time left to type my antics and/or musings.   And, also, I haven't FELT the necessary pull I used to when I wrote before.  Yeah, yeah, a crappy excuse.  A writer writes, no matter what.  I KNOW this.  However, when you sit at the keyboard, the cursor mockingly blinking while your brain cells scramble to latch on to something, ANYTHING, so you can write, and you still come up with nothing worthwhile, it's time to take a step back.  I have to deal with the blockers, get rid of the trash and obstacles so I can get myself back on track.  That has to do with more than just being able to write again.  

I'd love to blame the muse, who I'm sure has changed tropical islands without leaving a forwarding address, but it's not all her fault.  How can I expect someone to show on a regular basis now when she wasn't there before?  No, I can't blame the muse when there are other factors going on in my life right now that clearly overshadow her continued absence.  I'm not going to get into the underlying reasons, though I really wish I could.  However, as I said, there are just some things I don't want floating around in cyberspace.

Things with Girlie are fine.  Things with work are fine.  Things with the "AD"diction are fine, though he's been in DC for nine days and has about four more weeks to go before getting back home.  Sadly, he didn't bring his laptop with him because the hotel where he's staying wanted to charge $12 a day for internet use!!  WTH!?  So, no Skype for us.  However, we still email, text, and talk every day.  So far, I'm managing fairly well.  I'm not promising that as the weeks progress.  My co-worker has already told me if I start acting like Linda Blair in the Exorcist, she's moving her desk to the other side of the office.  LOL!  I'm not promising anything.  I would never make a good military wife, though I know I'm a strong enough person to deal with certain situations.

I just need to find my "sparkle" again.  It's almost like the enthusiasm I felt for life in general is being sucked out until there's nothing but anger, resentment, frustration simmering beneath the surface because of outside situations which so severely affect me.  It's sad.  It makes me sad.  And what's worse, it doesn't have to be that way.  However, I don't have control over other people's actions or decisions, even though I really wish I did.  It sure would alleviate a lot of stress on my part!  In the meantime, I need to continue to separate myself as much as I can from the situation and not make it my problem.  Easier said than done, especially when I see what the outcome will be.

Prayers will be continued.  Hopefully, in His infinite wisdom, He'll grant me patience and guide my actions to benefit those involved in a positive way and on His path.  It's said the faith of a mustard seed can move mountains.  I'm holding onto that belief, trusting in the power of prayer and looking forward to the day when things will once again be right in my world.  I would have said "normal" but, as you know, things are never "normal" in my world.  I just want my version of "normal" back.